Bruce Hedgepeth, MD
Getting a child to their freshman year of college for their initial move-in experience and getting them ready for the first day of their first year can be nerve-wracking, stressful, traumatic, and full of angst — and that’s just for the parents!
Now let’s add a little bit of them being the last child; a pinch of them being far, far away (ok, 3+ hours isn’t really that far), a skosh of that making me an empty nester, and a dash of it meaning that I’m getting older.. What’s that a recipe for anyway? Disaster, midlife crisis, sinking despair? No to all. It’s a recipe for the natural progression of parenting.
Does that mean that I have to like it? No!
Does that mean that I am getting older? Yes!
Does that mean that I am a little sad? Yes!
More than a little sad? Yes!
You might know the feeling and experience and also know why I have these feelings. It’s because my wife and I love her very much and we have put our heart and soul into raising, nurturing, and caring for her. And now she is doing what comes next and what she is wanting to do, though with a little trepidation I’m sure.
She’s supposed to keep going and growing in so many ways. Moving on and becoming who she wants to be and doing what she wants to do is the point and the natural progression of life. She came along at just the right time and eventually – but hopefully not soon – we will give her away to the man of her dreams and then I will really and truly be an empty nester.
College is going to push her, stretch her, and challenge her. Isn’t that the way that it is supposed to be? Isn’t that the point? It’s a refining process and when people are all done they are way better off; or at least that’s the goal and hope.
We took our youngest to college a few weeks back, her mom and I. Two cars and three people heading off in the morning rain to endure a three and a half hour drive. Mom and daughter were in one car filled with stuff and I drove solo in the other car filled with the essentials of the college life. Digression point: why do girls have and need so much stuff? Anyway, it was just me, a bag of sunflower seeds, and a cup of coffee keeping me company all of the way. Don’t feel sorry for me because I’m used to it by now; the lonesome male in the family. No, you don’t have to shed a tear either, although it would be nice if someone besides me cared about me (male Bichon dog doesn’t count). With two daughters bonding with their awesome mom over the years I’ve grown accustomed to it.
So off we go early in the morning to travel a great distance when all of a sudden a tree is encountered laying across the roadway blocking our path. Oh no, what to do, where to go, how do I avoid this treacherous situation? Being the skilled and savvy driver that I am, I carefully brought the car to a stop from the 15 mph that I was traveling, evaluated my options, made a careful and calculated decision; and then simply backed up to go out the back gate of our subdivision. Whew, close call. The elements were against us and we had only gone one hundred yards. I felt like a pioneer crossing the hostile west in a covered wagon on the Oregon Trail, and yet I hadn’t even made it out of my subdivision yet, let alone to my final destination. Did I need a safety convoy and guide to make this daring journey? Nope, probably not. I’ve conquered greater tasks, but not by much. I’m sure you’ll be glad to know that the rest of the trip was uneventful with the exception of a few coffee-induced bathroom breaks along the way.
Like every other parent arriving at the college campus there is uncertainty as to where to go and where to park so as to be at the right place at the right time. And so it was with us (or should I say me) because once inside the campus maze, I missed the big sign of where to turn right away. It’s interesting that my directionally challenged female counterparts in the other car did not miss the turn. Hmmm, what truth does that say about all of us anyway?
Now it’s time to stand in line and register and look like an incoming freshman and parents of a freshman. The typical tension between the adults with our infinite coolness and wisdom and the wide-eyed student who doesn’t think her parents are cool and wise takes place. Been there done that? I have, and in fact, I have been on both ends of it. The truth is that mom and I are in fact really cool and wise; though that remains a point of contention with both of our daughters.
Finally, the lines are all done and registration is accomplished and it’s time to head to the dorm for the big move-in. This consists of trying to find the best way to drive to the dorm and then find a close-in parking space to more easily facilitate the massive moving and back breaking carrying of way too many clothes, gadgets, and accessories into a small room to be shared by two. I don’t know why they don’t just rent an enormous moving van with a dump truck feature and pile it up outside the dorm building. Perhaps they could then put an awning over it after all the kids do this and they could all pick and choose from the pile and share stuff. Make it a college commune or something. Then at the end of the year bring in a bulldozer and push it in a pile somewhere and use it for the base of a new college building or something. Sorry, I lost my focus for a moment.
So it begins; unpacking, hanging, organizing, and putting things together. Decisions, decisions, decisions. I try to stay out of the fashion or decorating suggestions because that isn’t my strong suit, or so I’m told. Apparently I don’t know anything about anything when it comes to those departments; and several others as well. But in the end it becomes mission accomplished and everything seems fine. The room looks good and tidy. How did it all fit?
But now the ominous leaving and goodbyeing looms in the distance and it gets kind of emotional and tough to say goodbye and leave. That’s my baby girl right there who is about to be thrown to the big, big world of college. However, her mother and I forge on, trying not to make eye contact or say something that will start the tear ducts from leaking. I do tell people that tears are just emotions coming out of the body, but we wanted to keep those emotions in check for everyone’s benefit on this day. We at least waited until we were alone in the car, just the two of us.
It gets eerily quiet in the car for a while for fear that the wrong word will set one of us off down memory lane and a flood of tears will start. But again, we forge on knowing that we have done the right thing and that everything in time will be okay and well. We love our kids and we are proud of them. We will always be willing to help move them in and move them along.
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